HOW TO SNEAK A CD WITH A PARENTAL ADVISORY STICKER PAST YOUR MOM IN THE YEAR 2000

  1. Wear Cargo Shorts at all times just in case.
  2. If your Mom asks if you want to come to the Mall, make sure it's the one with the Sam Goody.
  3. When she heads towards Filene's Basement, tell her you'll meet her by the fountain in one hour.
  4. Upon arriving in Sam Goody, peruse the non Parental Advisory CDs. Make the clerks think you might in fact buy this Matchbox 20 CD.
  5. Spot your prey (In this case, the Adam Sandler CD "What The Hell Happened To Me?") Pluck it, but don't seem eager.
  6. If you have enough allowance, purchase a second item to obscure the Parental Advisory sticker. Perhaps a CD single of Papa Roach's "Last Resort (Radio Edit)"
  7. Bring your items to the clerk with the widest smile. Avoid any clerk who looks like college is bringing them down.
  8. Make small talk with the clerk as you purchase about adult things. (the weather, the upcoming election, etc.) DO NOT FIST PUMP IF YOU GET AWAY WITH IT!
  9. Stuff your dirty adult CD into your cargo shorts before your Mom sees.
  10. Repeat precious small talk on way home while positioning your hands to obscure any bulging your dirty adult CD may make in your shorts.
  11. Enjoy hearing the words "Fuck" and "Shit" on the CD. You earned it, you FuckShit!
  12. 15 years later, admit this to your mother and hear her loudly guffaw about how she knew all along.