Spoiler Alert! (@andersun Thank you for the save!)
  1. My 8-year-old lost a tooth at school.
  2. The School Nurse gave him a cute little "tooth holder."
  3. I found a gold dollar.
  4. I was ready for the exchange.
  5. Then I fell asleep.
  6. #ToothFairyFail
  7. Waking up, I realized my blunder.
  8. I snuck into my son's room, put the gold dollar in place, and... could not get the tooth holder open! Damn!
  9. Son wakes up.
  10. I play it all cool like, "Hey, what did you get?"
  11. Son notices the tooth still remaining and starts crying.
  12. I point out the coin. In the dark, he says, "It's only a quarter." More tears.
  13. I turn on the light and say, "Look, it's a gold dollar!"
  14. Unwilling to be happy, he says, "I just got a dollar?"
  15. Hey kid, that's the going rate. I believe Janet Yellen and the Feds establish it quarterly.
  16. Ugh. Tooth Fairy. Santa. Easter Bunny. All of these secret personality burdens are really wearing me down.