Mythical Personalities and Parental Burdens

Spoiler Alert! (@andersun Thank you for the save!)
  1. 1.
    My 8-year-old lost a tooth at school.
  2. 2.
    The School Nurse gave him a cute little "tooth holder."
  3. 3.
    I found a gold dollar.
  4. 4.
    I was ready for the exchange.
  5. 5.
    Then I fell asleep.
  6. 6.
  7. 7.
    Waking up, I realized my blunder.
  8. 8.
    I snuck into my son's room, put the gold dollar in place, and... could not get the tooth holder open! Damn!
  9. 9.
    Son wakes up.
  10. 10.
    I play it all cool like, "Hey, what did you get?"
  11. 11.
    Son notices the tooth still remaining and starts crying.
  12. 12.
    I point out the coin. In the dark, he says, "It's only a quarter." More tears.
  13. 13.
    I turn on the light and say, "Look, it's a gold dollar!"
  14. 14.
    Unwilling to be happy, he says, "I just got a dollar?"
  15. 15.
    Hey kid, that's the going rate. I believe Janet Yellen and the Feds establish it quarterly.
  16. 16.
    Ugh. Tooth Fairy. Santa. Easter Bunny. All of these secret personality burdens are really wearing me down.