The actual ump was sick. I was the last remaining option.
  1. People take this too seriously.
    Dude, they are 9-years-old.
  2. Not easy to call your own child out on strikes.
    That sucks. That just plain sucks.
  3. I should have worn a cup.
    One close call on a foul tip and now I may consider wearing a cup 24/7.
  4. I had to get a game with a "Catcher's Interference" call.
    Everyone else saw it. I saw a foul and my life flash before my eyes. Then a coach argues, "I am just helping him (me) out. Maybe he doesn't know the game." Ouch! Maybe I am just dirty, tired, and annoyed with intense Little League coaches.
  5. I'm too nice a guy for this.
    Hard ass? Nope, not me. I'm a negotiator. A compromiser. Not the best job fit for me. Am I eligible for a pension after one game? I should be. This is hard and very out of my nature.
  6. Flip flops are not the best attire for a ballgame.
    Really? I was just planning on watching the game. Ugh. #DirtyFeet
  7. I'm inconsistent.
    Just consistently bad at this.
  8. Consider carrying a whiskey flask in my back pocket.
    In the event I ever have to endure this Hell again.
  9. I should have worn my glasses.
    Ha! I actually have glasses and did not wear them. I never wear them. Shhhh, our little secret.
  10. "You did a good job umpiring the first three innings."
    Backhanded compliment. The game was 6 innings and (a painful) 3 hours long.
  11. I am very good at brushing off (i.e. cleaning) home plate.
    You could eat off that plate. Plus, every now and then, I would whistle "Whistle, While You Work" for the enjoyment of the batter and catcher.
  12. I will be slow to ever criticize an umpire again.