Reasons the UFC is not for Me

  1. 1.
    I have never punched anyone.
    Not sure that I would know how.
  2. 2.
    I cannot kick.
    Oh, their shines might hurt.
  3. 3.
    I might run and hide from Rhonda Rousey.
    She would kick my butt in under 3 seconds. Scary, but true.
  4. 4.
    Bruised ribs hurt.
    Plus, they would disqualify me from being considered as "quality meat."
  5. 5.
    I have more lumps than muscles.
    I would however look more "cuddible" than my competitor.