1. I gain a little weight
    So sue me.
  2. I begin to snore
    Sad, so sad.
  3. How do I know?
    My wife began jabbing me at night saying, "You're snoring."
  4. Sleepy
    Cannot take it any longer and my ribs hurt from the forceful jabs.
  5. Purchase Breathe Right Strips
    My nostrils are now so open, you could land a plane in there.
  6. Snore no more
    Thank God. Happy wife, happy life.