Sprinkle these around your house to keep me from entering
- •3D printersThese things are not printers. They're voodoo machines that build things somehow. I do not understand them and I do not like them.
- •Home-baked cookies that are crunchyIf you have a choice, why in the world would you make them crunchy? If you do not like soft cookies, I do not trust you and do not want to be in your house.
- •Your pet that does not have fur, except fish. Fish are OK.This includes snakes, iguanas, any type of lizards, probably hairless cats though in fairness I have never met one, so they may be OK. And spiders. Definitely spiders. See next point.
- •SpidersYuck, ick, ack! Spiders are horrifying creatures that will eventually rise up and take over the world.
- •Your game trophies from your hunting adventuresYeah, all I see are dead animals on your wall. I prefer living animals in their natural habitat, not dead on your wall.
- •Jumbo shrimpEspecially served cold with cocktail sauce. Gross! I don't like shrimp any bigger then the tiny popcorn shrimp that is probably not really shrimp. Shrimp is just so rubbery and shrimpy…
- •Porcelain dollsHave you never watched a horror movie?!
- •Empty soap dispensersYou're allowed one empty soap dispenser, which I will assume is because you're so sanitary and wash your hands often enough that you just ran out and haven't had time to refill the soap dispenser yet. This can be in the bathroom OR the kitchen, but not both. Wash your hands people!