Baseball seems like a really insecure sport. When I go to a game, there is a constant stream of facts on the players. It's like they're afraid I'm gonna get bored, say "fuck it," and go home. So they intrigue me with facts like...
  1. Using the letters from his full name, you can spell San Diego Padres.
    Like an underwhelming Tom Riddle
  2. The player with the longest last name to have hit a home run in this stadium.
    I bet he's proud
  3. Played high school basketball on the same team as Kyrie Irving's brother.
  4. He's hit 12 for 15 in Sunday games against teams named for animals.
  5. Scored a 4 on the AP Psychology exam in 11th grade.
    The credits covered a GE requirement at San Jose State.
  6. His mom makes really good ribs.