I played a lot of sports as a kid. Each taught me something about the world.
  1. Softball
    No matter how much you want to be the heroic pitcher, if you only ever practice 3rd base, you will probably just cry on the mound.
  2. Karate
    Some karate instructors are large, mustachioed black men called Sensei Paul.
  3. Roller Hockey
    1. Hydration is important. But if you drink too much water too fast and go back to practice you will throw up. It's just water though, so it's easy to clean up. 2. Don't make fun of the right-handed kid with a left-handed stick. He's just starting out and he's doing his best.
  4. Ice Hockey
    1. The bonds of sisterhood will not stop a fifteen-year-old female teammate from checking you and calling you "pussy" in a scrimmage. 2. Boys (and their parents) will fight tooth and nail to avoid having to play girls' teams.
  5. Swimming
    1. Hard work does not guarantee success. You can go to seven practices a week and not get faster. 2. If you forget to bring underwear to your 5:30 AM practice, you can just keep your suit on under your clothes. Not ideal, though. Kind of damp.
  6. Soccer
    Mud is fun.
  7. Cross Country
    "I'm not enjoying this and I'm not any good at it" is a legitimate reason to quit.
  8. Water Polo
    If you don't wear goggles, you may be blinded by the chlorine for an hour or so. Your coach will suggest pouring milk on your eyes for relief.
  9. Wrestling
    When a heavyweight upperclassmen tells you to show him your tits, say "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
  10. Basketball
    Tall people get all the glory.