I have said all of these things. Really. It gets better, though. Or so they say.
  1. "I can check the oil in your car, if you want!"
    And I did. We left the club and I did. Never saw him again. Never drank that much again.
  2. "How's life up there?"
    Me, a 4ft11 fountain of bad decisions, approaching a 6ft3 (of course I asked then and there) perfect specimen of humankind. We dated for three years.
  3. "Yeah, and I never leave dirty dishes in the sink!"
    This was five minutes into a conversation that started about the joys of early adulthood. Like having your own place, no curfew, drinking legally. Fun stuff. Normal stuff. And I blurted this one out. Live-in girlfriend material, I guess? This interaction was irrevocably lost.
  4. "I love white chocolate because it doesn't pretend to be chocolate, the way that milk-filled crap does."
    That was my opening line to a girl in a chocolaterie. Like any normal human would, she was creeped out by my rather strong and very uninvited opinion on her shopping choices (she had five bars of white chocolate in her cart) and just went to the other side of the store.