I've had an unusually introspective weekend and I've emerged with a new found clarity. Unbeknownst to her, @ashleyanwiler , played a part. (Tagged because she legit has some amazing lists - one of which is contained herein - do check her out)
  1. Alternative Title: Is My Life Really All Sunshine and Happiness?
  2. So I've been in a bit of a funk lately.
    (This has nothing to do with @amieshmamie or my family - they remain at the center of my life and a constant source of happiness.)
  3. Back in November of last year I injured my neck and/or shoulder.
    (The pain is difficult to precisely locate)
  4. I injured myself training MMA and Jiu Jitsu.
    (Which is generally much safer than it may sound)
  5. I haven't been back since.
  6. I wasn't certain I'd ever go back.
  7. Because, injuries suck.
  8. Better to stay safe and not chance it.
  9. So I've been doing Tai Chi while I recover to maintain balance and mobility.
  10. (Which I actually like way more than I thought I would)
  11. But back to learning how to fight for a moment
  12. I know many people may not understand the appeal of training at an MMA gym.
  13. But it's the only form of strenuous workout that doesn't bore me to death.
  14. And there is a camaraderie between training partners that I can't explain.
  15. The release of aggression is cathartic.
  16. And losing to a veteran training partner is humbling.
  17. I can't stress the strength of relationships that form when you repeatedly fight people with the intent of making each other better.
  18. While I've been away I've been struggling socially.
  19. At work, I have friends - but they interact in a veiled and complicated manner that I, quite frankly, don't understand.
  20. And when I try to emulate it I accidentally piss people off.
  21. At home, my wife is a social giant that cannot be toppled.
  22. I am dwarfed by her shadow.
  23. (But seriously, who wouldn't be?)
  24. When I'm honest with myself, I know that most people come to see Amie and accept that there is some Daniel on the side.
  25. And this list isn't about pity. On the whole I'm remarkably happy.
  26. But I've had an ache gnawing at the back of my mind that I couldn't put my finger on.
    (I realize it's probably obvious to you because of the narrative framework of this list, but it was somewhat more difficult to figure out in real life)
  27. And I let it bubble to the surface so that I could ruminate on it this weekend.
  28. And somewhere along the way I read this list: UGH I HATE MAKING NEW FRIENDS
  29. It's about someone who has moved to a new city and is trying to find "her people".
  30. I appreciated her struggle and chuckled at first.
  31. And then a creeping realization spread over me.
  32. I miss my people.
  33. Terribly and deeply.
  34. And I know that a group of friends who repeatedly punch each other in the face, choke each other, and perfect techniques to break limbs doesn't make a lot of sense to many people.
  35. But sweet mother do I miss it.
  36. So I'm taking my doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and whatever the hell else I need very seriously now.
    (I've been avoiding the doctor and hoping everything would take care of itself)
  37. And even though I can't be on the mats yet, I'm at least in training mode again.
  38. And it feels good.
  39. Soon I'm going to be back amongst my people.