Thoughts while hiding in a bathroom during a social event.
I'm good at playing the part when I'm out and about, provided I take a social anxiety breather from time to time. I'm currently hiding out from a party to collect myself long enough to continue mindless banter for another 30min.
- •I haven't always been like this.I'm actually quite charming and likable and funny despite my need for solitude and quiet. But somewhere down the line I grew to loathe functions that require prolonged human interaction.
- •Everyone probably thinks I'm taking a shit. Which just makes me want to hide in here more, to avoid embarrassment.
- •Sooner or later they realize something is wrong, I don't want to have to explain that I'm taking a breather from them.
- •I obsess over whether or not I'm liked, tolerated, or hated. I can be awkward, different. The thoughts of how I'm perceived eventually take me to a hiding place to relax.
- •I hate putting people who enjoy my company through this. They've earned my attention and affection.
- •This shouldn't be so hard.
- •I refuse to stand alone in a large group. I look like a weirdo. I'll just leave if it means avoiding that.
- •The break is never long enough.I take a few deep breaths and finally head out as not to concern anyone and draw more attention to myself.
- •I had to admit to taking a shit because that's easier than saying "I'm anxious and stressed and needed a break." Humiliating. Please don't ask any follow up questions.
- •Maybe I'll take up smoking to give myself an excuse to go outside.