All of these are true
  1. I've never dated pope John Paul II
  2. I used to wear a medicinal eye patch
  3. I ran a church book store
  4. I got a boner during Moulin Rouge in middle school
  5. I directed the Vagina Monologues in college
  6. I drew and framed a picture of my dead dog
  7. I can't whistle or be a horse
  8. I helped write a travel documentary in Mexico produced by eccentric Orange County con artists
  9. Brown hair