An Open Letter to the Man in the Camouflauge Baseball Hat.

  1. To the man doing push-ups on the corner of Vermont and Los Feliz in the rain this morning:
  2. I get it. The light was red. You didn't want to lose the pump.
  3. But just remember...
  4. As you dropped to the cement, biceps throbbing, skin flushed with pulsing blood...
  5. And began thrusting up and down in sexual grinding push ups...
  6. (Which turned to one armed push-ups the moment you caught the eye of a curious lady jogger)
  7. Remember that I was watching you. I was watching your testosterone parade.
  8. And the soundtrack in my car was Florence and the Machine.
  9. And there's nothing you can do about that.
  10. Mr. Camouflage baseball hat.
  11. Phbbbbt!!