Here is what "Diamonds Are Forever" would have looked like:
  1. New title
    "Cubic Zirconia Are Forever"
  2. New Director
    Guy Hamilton replaced by Hal Needham of such "classics" as Stroker Ace, Cannonball Run and Smokey and the Bandit
  3. New Bond Women
    Tiffany Case (Jill St. John) now played by Loni Anderson and Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood) played by Dolly Parton.
  4. New MI6 Staff
    "M" (Bernard Lee) replaced by Jackie Gleason; "Q" (Desmond Llewelyn) replaced by Dom DeLuise); Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell) replaced by Sally Field ("James, you like me ... You really like me!")
  5. New Bad Guys
    Blofeld (Charles Gray) played by Paul Williams; henchman Mr. Wint (Bruce Glover) and Mr. Kidd (Putter Smith) played by Bubba Smith and Terry Bradshaw.
  6. New Supporting Cast
    Willard Whyte (played by singer Jimmy Dean) now played by singer Jerry Reed.
  7. New Title Song and Soundtrack
    Shirley Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever" replaced by Jerry Reed singing "She Got the Cubic Zirconia (I Got the Shaft). John Barry's soundtrack replaced by music from Snuff Garrett
  8. New Bond Car
    Bond's Ford Mustang Mach 1 replaced by Pontiac Trans Am
  9. New Bond Drink
    Shaken not Stirred martini's replaced by Coors beer -- pop top!
  10. Las Vegas car chase bigger!
    Car chase now includes 23 cars; fiery explosions; a fruit stand that gets creamed; police cars where the doors come off; and at least one buxom bystander that has her top inexplicably ripped off.
  11. Last but Not Least
    "Bond ... James Bond" replaced by "hey good buddy ... This here is James Bond talkin'"