100% REAL EXCUSES I'VE HEARD FROM GROWN ASS MEN WHO DIDN'T WANT TO PUT ON A CONDOM

These are all things I've heard from men age 28 and up. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
  1. "It's too tight."
    Me: "Okay, bye." And then, somehow, it magically fit. Fuck "abra cadabra," "I'm leaving now" are the REAL magic words.
  2. "I just got out of a 3-year relationship and I'm not used to wearing one. I can't feel anything when I do."
    Me: "Your balls are about to be in a 3-second relationship with my foot and trust me, you will feel THAT."
  3. "I don't have one on me."
    Me: "I do!" I try really hard to always keep three in my wallet. The blonde chick on the front of it always has my back. Look at that tough bitch. She is NOT having it today.
  4. "I'll just pull out."
    Me: "As long as you let me call you Jim Bob in bed."
  5. "But I'm clean, I promise."
    My response: "Cool, when's the last time you were tested?" Dude: "Uhh..." Me: "Yeah, I thought so." (That was never going to happen anyway because he and I weren't in a committed relationship; I just wanted to bust his chops.)
  6. [the ONE time he didn't have one on him and neither did I] "It's raining out."
    Me: [could not form words, instead made noise that vaguely sounded like the screaming goat]