I dated some cool people this year. It was fun.
  1. Lots of sex. Junk food. Binge-watched a bunch of Matt Bellassai's "Whine About It" videos. More junk food. More sex until, like, two in the morning.
    Called the pizza place and was like, "Hi, can I get an order of fries, an order of wings, an order of mozzarella sticks, two bottles of orange and cream soda and one slice of pepperoni pizza?"
  2. Took me to dinner on my birthday. Bought me flowers, which I usually HATE, but it was toooooootally working on me. Got stoned, put on some D'Angelo, ate me out for 3 hours. Best sex of my entire life.
  3. Met for the first time at the beach, proceeded to spend the next 96 hours with each other. Drank some cannabis tincture (essentially weed in oil form that you add a dropper full to a glass of water and chug), had 4 glorious days of tantric sex, watched John Mulaney's "New in Town," ate chocolate-covered marshmallows dipped in peanut butter.
  4. Got locked out of his apartment in Brooklyn. Vaped and had sex in broad daylight in a public park. So glad/lucky we didn't get arrested. #adrenalinerush
    Sorry, Mom!
  5. Ate arepas. Straddled him on the floor of a Barnes & Noble until a baby stroller came around the corner.