BEST DATES OF 2015: RANKED
I dated some cool people this year. It was fun.
- 1.Lots of sex. Junk food. Binge-watched a bunch of Matt Bellassai's "Whine About It" videos. More junk food. More sex until, like, two in the morning.Called the pizza place and was like, "Hi, can I get an order of fries, an order of wings, an order of mozzarella sticks, two bottles of orange and cream soda and one slice of pepperoni pizza?"
- 2.Took me to dinner on my birthday. Bought me flowers, which I usually HATE, but it was toooooootally working on me. Got stoned, put on some D'Angelo, ate me out for 3 hours. Best sex of my entire life.
- 3.Met for the first time at the beach, proceeded to spend the next 96 hours with each other. Drank some cannabis tincture (essentially weed in oil form that you add a dropper full to a glass of water and chug), had 4 glorious days of tantric sex, watched John Mulaney's "New in Town," ate chocolate-covered marshmallows dipped in peanut butter.
- 4.Got locked out of his apartment in Brooklyn. Vaped and had sex in broad daylight in a public park. So glad/lucky we didn't get arrested. #adrenalinerushSorry, Mom!
- 5.Ate arepas. Straddled him on the floor of a Barnes & Noble until a baby stroller came around the corner.