BEST MESSAGES FOR GUYS TO START A CONVERSATION ON DATING APPS

  1. THANK YOU FOR THIS PROMPT, MATT. I love this!
  2. All right, here's what I'm gonna say. (And this is for people who want to DATE, not hook up, btw.) If you're looking for a partner and not a one-night stand, this is my advice for you:
    I make this distinction because if homegirl just wants to fuck, you can legit just write "hi" and if she thinks you're attractive, she'll probably answer your messages at least once.
  3. If your message is less than ten words, you can go fuck right off.
    "Hey" "What's up" "How's your day going" I don't think men realize how many of these messages we get in our inbox on a daily basis. We will delete these. You're putting in zero effort, so so will we.
  4. Do NOT give her a physical compliment.
    I know you're trying to be nice, but, again, EVERY guy thinks we enjoy receiving these messages, so we get a LOT of these. Every time I get a "you have a beautiful smile/body/eyes" message, I stick another pin in the voodoo doll I have of you. "You're beautiful/sexy/cute" = I only care about your physical appearance and don't respect the fact that you have a fucking brain.
  5. Instead, compliment her about her accomplishments/details about her life.
    "You're a surgeon? That's awesome--I have a few friends in med school and know that is NO joke." "Wow, you've been published by Cosmo? How cool--what was your piece about?" "You have four brothers? You must have the patience of a saint."
  6. Show that you've read her profile.
    People ask me about my job (what I liked about being an editor, what I write about for magazines/how long I've been doing it, what my book is about), let me know that they don't drink either (I list that in my profile), tell me that a joke I wrote in my profile made them laugh, etc
  7. You can ask questions about her pictures! As long as they're respectful.
    I have a picture of me wearing t-rex slippers, so I get a lot of "where did you get those???"-type messages. I also have a pic of me doing aerial yoga, so people will ask which yoga studio I went to to do that. If she has a picture of her traveling, ask what she thought of the place.
  8. Have a sense of humor about yourself and recognize that sending the first message can be uncomfortable.
    A message someone sent me that was very simple, but showed me that he didn't take himself too seriously: "Hey, I really liked your profile, so I thought I'd go for the awkward first message. Are you originally from NYC?" He and I are going out next week!
  9. ASK ORIGINAL QUESTIONS, GODDAMMIT.
    First messages I have sent that were effective: "Your username cracked me up. Do people really hate on you for being from Jersey?" "How long have you been working at SNL? That's awesome." To a dermatologist: "Be honest. Have you ever checked someone for moles while hooking up with them?" (His response: "Guilty." lol)
  10. Also: don't stress out. If she doesn't write back, who cares? There are other people. If you send a follow-up message, you might as well rip off your dick, stick it in a bottle and then throw that bottle in the ocean. DO NOT SEND FOLLOW-UP MESSAGES. I have written about this before and I will mention it again: MEN: A REALLY, REALLY BAD THING YOU GUYS DO WHILE ONLINE DATING THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO FUCKING STOP
  11. 💋