COMPONENTS OF A PERFECT NIGHT AFTER ENDING THINGS WITH SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO END THINGS WITH
I'm no longer sleeping with the person I had been sleeping with and came down with a case of the sads.
- 1.Spend $365 on sex toys.I BOUGHT THE WOMANIZER, @olive!!!!!! And, like, soooooo much other shit.
- 2.Seriously, if you're in NYC, visit Babeland. It's amazing. The lovely man helping me and my friends gave us free wine and cupcakes. Like, come on.Why yes, that IS a Hello Kitty buttplug.
- 3.Get drunk (against doctor's orders) with three of your best friends.IT WAS AN EMERGENCY. And, like, legit the fourth time I drank this year.
- 4.Re-download Bumble on your phone at the bar.
- 5.Stop at Georgetown Cupcakes and split a sticky toffee pudding cupcake and a gingerbread cupcake with your work wife.
- 6.Go back to friend's apartment and blast some DMX. Sing along loudly to it.
- 7.Order copious amounts of Thai food.
- 8.Have your friends tell each other that you are KWEENS.
- 9.Steal all the curry puffs like the rabid dog that you are.
- 10.Watch 50 Shades for the first time (unrated version) and live tweet it on your corporate Twitter account.
- 11.Charge your Womanizer on friend's kitchen table.The Womanizer is a vibrating clit sucker. I repeat, CLIT SUCKER. Fuck buddy WHO? I don't even remember the name of the dude I'd been sleeping with. BYE GURL BYE
- 12.Buy a Slurpee on your walk home.
- 13.Boom. Done. I'm good now.