FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF PEOPLE I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE CONNECTING WITH THEM ON LIST APP AND THEN MET IRL

So @bjnovak and @Nicholas are looking for someone who will help build the community of List. HOW'S THIS FOR BUILDING COMMUNITY. Now all these fuckers are my friends. I used to be a very private person before all this shit. Now what am I, the goddamn mayor?
  1. 1.
    @tombatten: He picked me up from the train station bearing gifts in the form of a bag of Cheetos, thus solidifying our BFFdom forevermore. He is exactly the way you picture him being (a royal pain in my ass).
    Everyone thinks we knew each other before List, but I didn't even talk to this kid until 3-4 months ago.
  2. 2.
    @dave: Kind of the best person. Not a statement. Fact. I probably would've tried convincing him to look past my vagina and marry me if he wasn't already married to an attractive South African man.
  3. 3.
    @lspencer: @dave's attractive South African man. Very blunt. Cool accent. Most importantly, didn't judge me for eating all of the food in their apartment.
  4. 4.
    @amber: A fucking champ since I textually tortured her as she was running late to brunch (I'm sorry, but brunch in Soho is STRESSFUL FOR ME). Then we discovered we are the exact same person. We both love: Pringles, ghost hunting shows, astrology, Craig David references, and torturing our exes (one of my exes is 90s UK pop star Craig David).
  5. 5.
    @k8mcgarry: SHE LOOKS SO YOUNG. Homie could convincingly sell me Girl Scout cookies, that's all I'm saying. This asset will come in handy when she's a 60-year-old swan and I will basically look like a pile of rocks. Also, she has the best comedic timing of anyone ever.
  6. 6.
    @bobbyhundreds: Kept squeezing each other's shoulders and shouting YOU'RE A REAL PERSON, YOU'RE A REAL PERSON in the reception area of my office. Then we ate chocolate peppermint cake pops and talked about #life. Solid A+ of a human.
  7. 7.
    @jakebrandman: Gave him a million hugs and told him I don't hate him because he was oddly convinced otherwise. Jake has the patience of a saint considering I went to the show he wrote and 1) hit on all the straight actors 2) asked why there weren't any cookies 3) restrained Amber from biting the person sitting in front of us who shushed us.
  8. 8.
    @Jac: I told her I wanted something sweet (again, no cookies) and she flashed her naked tits at me. This woman is my everything.
  9. 9.
    @vp: Legit cried laughing at everything he said. Funniest motherfucker I've ever met. Has a magical Narnia beard that I tugged on and made a wish AND THAT WISH CAME TRUE, YOU GUYS.
  10. 10.
    @furtadomf: A cripple. (She was on crutches when I met her.) Then I got super stoned and stole her necklace and wore it as a headpiece. I also texted her a dick pic that looked like a sad Claire Danes and she couldn't stop laughing.
  11. 11.
    @john: Human garbage.
    Just kidding. I've never met John IRL. Because SOMEBODY'S a little too busy playing with The Grateful Dead (me).