Saw my main woman Lisa last night (we saw Spring Awakening!). If you think I'm crazy, hold onto your hats, kids, because you're about to see exactly where I get it from. (She hasn't listed yet, but she's on here, you guys! She says she wants her first list to be "Things That Annoy Me About My Husband." Love her. @LisaMaria)
  1. Lisa doesn't diet. She makes lifestyle changes.
    I think she went on 2 diets when I was a kid? But she was quiet about it aka not an asshole. Lisa no longer diets, but she does take care of herself. She even adapted to the meal plan I have to be on for medical reasons (I have 2 autoimmune diseases) to support me, which is pretty cool of her.
  2. She has a healthy relationship with exercise.
    I turned this chick into a yogi and I love it.
  3. I have NEVER (not ONCE) heard talk about her body in a negative way.
    Here she is as a beautiful dinosaur.
  4. She supported me through my battle with bulimia and I couldn't have done it without her.
    On my one-year recovery anniversary, she took me for a spa day.
  5. She is very open about sex. When I was 17 and thinking about having sex for the first time, I asked her at what age she first did it and she answered honestly. She was 19. (And her first time was with my dad, you guys. Gross.)
  6. She wasn't weird about my decision to go on birth control at 16.
  7. She trusted me enough to have boys in my bedroom with the door closed when I was in high school.
    "You were going to do it anyway and I trusted you to take care of yourself." High five, Lisa!
  8. She and I still have an incredibly open relationship. She knows what I do on this app and reads my stuff every day.
  9. Back when I wrote porn for money at HarperCollins (under a pseudonym), both my parents went around telling everybody like I had written the Iliad or something.
    "We were so proud!" - Lisa
  10. She's funny as hell and she's not afraid to talk about body stuff.
    This is much funnier out of context, but she works in an animal hospital.
  11. When my mom found out her breast reduction got approved by her insurance, the first thing she said to me was, "How am I going to break this news to your father?" My dad is a tits guy, apparently.
  12. When my mom was on her way to an appointment to have a mammogram and pelvic ultrasound she texted me, "About to have my boobs squeezed and cooch looked at--talk to you later!!!"
  13. Lisa's the shit. And how I know I'll be a good mama if I ever have a daughter one day. 🙌🏻