HOW I GET LAID ALL THE TIME

  1. An amazing, bright, awesome chick wrote me an email today. She was uncomfortable with the fact that she hasn't had sex yet. And she said:
  2. "I have this idea in my head that boys won't like me because of my body."
  3. "We live in a society where thinner, more toned bodies are seen as beautiful and men aren't immune to that."
  4. "I know there's a beauty hierarchy and I am not at the top of it."
  5. And this is what I'm going to say:
  6. Honey, neither am I.
  7. Do you think I get laid all the time because I'm a 10?
  8. Real talk: I think I'm pretty, but do I think society views me as GORGEOUS? No. I'm realistic. I'm no Jennifer Lawrence or Gigi Hadid or whatever cool chick Leonardo DiCaprio is currently fucking.
  9. And this isn't me fishing for compliments and I don't want to hear "But you ARE a 10!" in the comments. Because I am not.
  10. And you know what? That's TOTALLY OKAY. Because just because I'm not a 10 doesn't mean I don't get laid.
  11. Not everyone in this world is a 10.
  12. I could legit go on any dating app for 3 minutes and have a guy over at my apartment like THAT.
  13. It's like Dial-A-Dick.
    Don't steal that idea. It's how I'm going to make my millions.
  14. This is my body:
    Mmmm. Look at that juicy roll. Also, it's really hard to take a picture of your own butt.
  15. And here's my arm. Flappin' in the wind.
  16. And my belly that will never be flat.
    Also check out 16yo Dana's brilliant idea to get a bellybutton ring. 👍🏻
  17. And this is my face.
    I'm like, cute, but no one's ever, like, come up to me on the street and been like LET ME PAINT YOU.
  18. I'm not a 10. I don't have a flat stomach. I have weird, American Girl doll teeth. I have cellulite. I have scars. I'm not toned at ALL. I have sex all the time.
  19. I fuck hot men (like, sometimes men society would view as hot and sometimes just what I consider to be hot) and they like to fuck me because I'm confident.
  20. And confidence attracts everyone, not just men. Even when it's faked. (Fake it 'til you make it.)
  21. And I'm not talking cockiness. I'm talking being confident in the idea that people are drawn to me because I'm funny and weird and blunt and smart.
  22. Getting fucked and having good sex isn't just for hot people.
  23. If that were the case, everyone who isn't a 10 would be celibate.
  24. Are some of my body parts 💯? Yes. My tits and eyes and lips are fabulous.
    And every single guy I've dated has been a BIG fan of my ass. Like, to the point where they're looking up the price of pompoms on Amazon and writing cheers for it.
  25. Do I loooove my belly and my arms? No. But do I accept that they just are what they are and not give two fucks about what they look like during sex? Yes.
    Because the truth is the dudes I'm fucking are paying NO attention to those body parts. They're too busy thinking about 1) how fun it is to get their dick wet, 2) getting me off and 3) (sometimes) if I'm looking at parts of THEIR body that they're not fond of.
  26. The difference between disordered Dana and Dana today is that the feeling I have towards body parts of mine that I don't particularly love is now indifference instead of hate.
  27. And because I'm not busy thinking about hating myself during sex, I can be fully present and in the moment.
  28. Which means that sex with me is fun because I'm 100% Dana during sex, not Dana-whose-mind-is-in-another-place. I'm in tune with my body. I know what feels good and what I like.
  29. And so that's why guys fuck me. I have gotten dick at 170lbs and at 120lbs and everrrrrrrrything in between. It makes NO difference. It has NOTHING to do with this:
    I'm doing my best impression of a raisin in this picture. Nailed it. 🍇