I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 3 WEEKS AND AM STARTING TO DESCEND INTO MADNESS

  1. You guys.
  2. I am legit climbing the walls at this point.
    Exorcism of Emily Rose-style.
  3. It's like when you leave a golden retriever alone in an apartment for a few hours and it chews up all the furniture and tries to dig a hole through the front door.
    And, like a golden retriever, my blonde hair sheds EVERYWHERE.
  4. And you're like, you can't dig a hole through a front door, buddy, so there are just splinters all over the place.
  5. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I destroyed all my furniture, you guys.
  6. Like, if I don't get this pussy licked, I will burn down a hospital or something.
  7. Not one filled with people! Come on, I'm not a monster! An abandoned one, you guys. Like one of the ones Ghost Hunters has gone to.
  8. I'm gonna burn down an abandoned, haunted insane asylum if I don't get my ass slapped pretty soon.
  9. Speaking of Ghost Hunters, the main guy is kinda hot?
  10. Okay, wait, nope. No, he's not. He looks like someone who wears too much cologne that he bought from a CVS. On sale. With multiple coupons.
    But still displays it on his nightstand like it's super fancy and you're like bitch, that was $7.59 including tax. Cool your shit.
  11. You guys, I'm so horny I just seriously considered fucking Zak from Ghost Hunters. This is a problem.
    ALSO, WHO THE FUCK SPELLS THEIR NAME THAT WAY. DID YOUR PARENTS RUN OUT OF LETTERS. THIS ISN'T WHEEL OF FORTUNE.
  12. Time to go back to Tumblr and rub up on something as I watch snippets of explicit male-male gay porn.
  13. Sigh.