I LET MY MOM CREATE AN OKCUPID PROFILE FOR ME AND OPERATE IT ON MY BEHALF

  1. This is my mother, Lisa. She is my favorite person.
  2. Please note that she has never seen a dating website in her entire life. She met my dad when she was FOURTEEN and has been with him ever since.
  3. I pitched an article to a magazine in which I let my mother create an OKCupid account and pretend to be me. The magazine accepted. Behold the beauty and splendor that is how my mom filled out my profile:
  4. My self summary: "I am an independent, fun-loving, attractive twenty-something girl. I am confident, but always ready for laughter and being spontaneous."
    DID YOU HEAR THAT, FELLAS? I'M AN ATTRACTIVE TWENTY-SOMETHING GIRL. 💁🏼
  5. What I'm doing with my life: "I am pursuing a very promising writing career and looking forward to other great upcoming opportunities. I enjoy reaching out to people who are willing and ready to make a positive change in their life."
    Who am I, Iyanla Vanzant?
  6. I'm really good at: "I am a good listener (without being your therapist), but also very good and honest with conversation. I love to discover new and exciting adventures and people to share them with. I'm really good at finding humor in my daily life."
    Nicely done, Lisa!
  7. Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food: "I love a good pizza and Twix bar while listening to 90's pop music. Or cuddled on a couch watching a scary movie. I especially love going to a Broadway show or spending time poolside reading a good book."
    I do indeed love "a good pizza and Twix bar." In fact, that's my drink order.
  8. Six things I could never do without: "Family would be number one. Number two would be my friends and then my humor and independence, Doc Martens, my fluffy bed, baseball caps, and good books.
    That is EIGHT things, Lisa, but nice try.
  9. I spend a lot of time thinking about: "How I can get away with rainbow hair at my new job."
    100% accurate. (This is what my hair looked like before I went blonde for my job search--a job search that ended recently, btw!)
  10. On a typical Friday night I am: "Probably either out with friends doing something fun or just snuggled in my cloud bed watching numerous comedy sketches by Matt Bellassai or multiple drag queens.
    NO LIES DETECTED. Also, what's wrong with enjoying a pillow top mattress, Lisa? SINCE WHEN IS THAT A CRIME
  11. You should message me if: "You should message me if you're looking for a chick who's not only good-looking, fun and easy to be with, but will keep it real at all times."
    Please note that this is the second time she has made me point out to others that I am physically attractive in an 8-question dating profile.
  12. She was concerned that she sounded "too 70's," which she absolutely does and I LOVE it.
    P.S. - Don't worry, you read that correctly. My mother's nickname for me is "Poop." (I call her "Stinkbug.")
  13. Brb, off to meet my future husband, you guys.