I'M SHOCKED! I GOT MY FIRST DICK PIC ON BUMBLE TODAY! 🍾🎉🎈🎊
Have I received dick pics via Tinder? Of course. But, Bumble... [chokes up] I've never felt more honored.
- •This is all so unexpected. I really wasn't prepared for this! [adjusts microphone]
- •Honestly, it was an honor just to be nominated.
- •But I really want to start off thanking my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without my faith in Him, none of this would be possible.
- •I want to thank my guidance counselor at NYU, Scott Korb, for always believing in me.
- •I want to thank my surgeon, Dr. Douglas Roth of Mt. Kisco, NY, for giving me fabulous titties.
- •I'd also like to thank my addiction to jalepeno Cheetos for my beautiful ass.
- •I'd like to thank my colorist, Jenny, for helping me poorly convince the world that I'm a natural blonde.
- •I also want to thank my mother, @LisaMaria, for giving me half of her chromosomes.
- •Lastly, I want to thank my friends @marissazim and @meghaparekh for convincing me to go back on Bumble.