1. All right, let's get fucking real.
  2. I recently put on some weight. Not enough that it's really all that noticeable, probably, but all I'm saying is my underwear has gotten a little tight.
  3. I never weigh myself (unless I'm at the doctor's), so I don't know if I've gained one pound or ten, but I can feel it in the way my clothes fit.
  4. And when this happens--because EVERYONE has fluctuations in weight--my brain starts doing this weird thing.
  5. It's like a radio station starts buzzing. Like I have white noise going throughout the day. (Kinda like static.)
  6. And that white noise says shit like "exercise every day" and "stop eating the things you like" and "June is in X amount of days, you're gonna be in a bathing suit soon, chick."
  7. And that white noise plays at work and at home and when I'm out to dinner with friends.
  8. Because I've been recovered for almost nine years (next month!), most of the time that white noise is just that: white noise. I don't pay attention to it and keep doing my thing.
  9. But sometimes, in quiet moments, I listen and can decipher the words and I even listen to them for a few minutes.
  10. And then I have to remind myself:
  11. It's normal for people to gain a little weight in the winter months. It's cold out, I don't go to the gym as often, I eat fun holiday foods.
  12. It's also super normal for me to lose a few lbs in the summer because I'm outdoors ALL THE TIME hiking and swimming and stuff.
  13. Fluctuations in weight are normal.
  14. I look fine.
  15. This isn't a big deal.
  16. Cool your shit, Dana.
  17. And then I can turn off the radio station for a few minutes.
  18. This shit never truly goes away.
  19. But I can manage it.
  20. 👍🏻