Legit just stream of consciousness-ing it while I swipe through a bunch of assholes.
  1. You are not nearly attractive enough for such a comprehensive list of demands. What is this, a ransom note?
    443d2e4d 2945 49c5 aba2 24e4ebf4cb6c
  2. Great. Three things no woman is interested in.
    32d69248 d2c2 4a45 affb 03402f1905f9
  3. [makes jacking off motion with my hand]
    1f0cde2a c8a4 4f5b 94c2 c44317f15878
  4. Woah someone is VERY DIRECT
    44a71511 dbf1 4254 96d1 6a4f41300915
  5. "I couldn't think of anything interesting to say in that first line, but I want you to know that I'm tall cuz girls like that, right?"
    7f1dff3b 4182 4eda aee3 e66e9683123b
  6. "I know you're not going to care about anything else after I say Wealth Management Advisor so I'm just gonna phone it in at the end here."
    3b0942e9 1ee5 4dd4 a350 d96bdf54d319
  7. "I have been on dating apps for too long and am getting bitter about it."
    56ad5b0d 125e 4924 80db dbef5147f50c
  8. "I, too, am bitter."
    664dd1fa 6463 421b 85d8 2c0a1659e539
  9. WHOA CALM DOWN THAT IS WAY TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS
    0f431fe8 a16d 4b93 9f0b 9482aaf0cedd
  10. 1. I respect you for openly admitting how short you are. 2. You use as many emojis as a teenage girl does and that cancels out the respect I felt for you earlier.
    1e7d7966 34d0 4589 8ada ff87fa051a50
  11. Oh, honey. Ohhhhhhh, honey. Bless your heart, but we're in New York City.
    050c6945 9f38 49d1 ad07 fc1a3338e99e
  12. Soooo... just like everybody else? Okay.
    256737a5 d64f 4511 892d b31a18e21393
  13. "I may be clinically depressed."
    21230194 1632 49df 8de0 a480b04b020a
  14. Yes, bitch. This is how you do it.
    1523e981 e718 43d5 bcb0 c28f35d991f2
  15. "I have self-esteem issues that I'm trying to compensate for."
    185cb5a2 9973 4376 b7f2 b5c555a673e7
  16. "I like to make sweeping generalizations about femininity."
    33fee495 97c3 490f ad4d f9eba08a8612
  17. "I'm a thirty-one-year-old man who is uncomfortable with the concept of cursing. I am a Baby McDiaperpants. I just sh$& in my diaper."
    1179b637 97d5 47a6 b436 671279e270e2
  18. Love it. You're adorable.
    05d33377 d0cf 4636 96a8 56e6b0b824bb
  19. I honestly really don't give a giraffe's nut where you've lived as long as it wasn't an ISIS training camp.
    2ced280d deb5 495b 8f31 d1a672e2220d
  20. I'm too high for this.
    E2c7ebb4 1b9a 4848 87ce 4c8d19bbe1af
    Or maybe not high enough?
  21. "I make poor career decisions."
    Dba56bf0 bb73 4fac 8524 ec8e3fe81738
  22. "I'm looking for a hookup, but I don't want to outright say I'm looking for a hookup, so I'll just write a bunch of other bullshit instead."
    9b53ee66 039e 458c a083 ee78d2618172
  23. HOLY SHIT HE REALLY IS AN ED SHEERAN DOPPELGÄNGER
    06f69e25 d78c 4a53 8235 c5505fe0ba66