See, you guys? I TOLD y'all I had fun stuff saved in my Drafts folder. I got you, boo boo. I got you.
  1. This is my friend Jon. Jon has a Grindr account (and Scruff and Manhunt and god knows whatever else). I like to steal his phone and play on 'em.
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    Look how beautiful this bitch is. He's thirstier than I am, if you can even imagine that.
  2. First, I changed his profile pic to this:
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    That picture is of Jon when he was in middle school and I love it. I made it my Facebook profile pic for a while.
  3. Next, I changed his username to "BraceYourself." Then I started messaging random dudes.
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  4. "Hey, do you have any good VHS tapes?"
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  5. "Nintendo is the best, but I hate how you sometimes have to blow into the cartridges, you know? Do you have Super Mario Bros.?"
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  6. "Do you know if we have any social studies homework for Mr. Brooks' 4th period class?"
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  7. "Slap bracelets kinda hurt! lolololol"
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  8. "My tamagotchi died :("
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  9. "Wanna go to Auntie Anne's and share a cinnamon pretzel with me? I need a ride to the mall."
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  10. "What color bands should I get on my braces next month? I'm thinking red and green for Christmas!"
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  11. "My mom tells me I need to start wearing deodorant."
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  12. "Can you sign my permission slip? My class is going whale watching."
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  13. Unsurprisingly, no one messaged me back.
    Gay guys have ZERO time for my shenanigans. They have better things to do.