MY ONLINE DATING BIO ➕

I wanna see yours, kids!!!! EDIT: IF YOU'RE NOT SINGLE, I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOUR BIO *WOULD* BE 🐝
  1. Bumble (not currently on, but love): "Published author (HarperCollins), weird, silly, blunt, one of those godless assholes who will insist to know your sign. One time I went to Virginia and brought a hula hoop back with me to NY via an Amtrak train. I feel like that anecdote represents my personality as a whole."
  2. Tinder: I'm no longer on here, but have had many bios in the past. My all-time favorites were: "The Meryl Streep of Blowjobs," "Two-vaginaed prostitute" (<- @JonMarsh thought of that one), and "This pussy ain't gonna lick itself."
    Feel free to steal any/all of those. @olive asked how I got so much action this year and THAT'S how, babe.
  3. Tinder: "power lady, barista, Minnesotan"
    it used to just say "power lady @ uchicago" which meant I got a lot of questions about what a power lady is; if tinder ends up being mostly used to workshop how I think about my life goals/aesthetic, I'm okay w that.
    Suggested by   @louisa_rd
  4. "Your mom's gonna love me"
    Suggested by   @k8mcgarry
  5. Tinder: Body by Cheez-it (credit to @hotdogs2go)
    Suggested by   @meg1
  6. Tinder: Current Gilmore Girl, Future Golden Girl
    Suggested by   @KelseyHarper
  7. Tinder: Grew up in a house of bad listeners. I'd love to have you talk at me over sushi.
    Suggested by   @meg1
  8. Bookworm with an outdoorsy side, a sweatpants enthusiast, Ross and Rachel's love child
    (Not one person has asked me why my name isn't Emma yet. Very disappointing)
    Suggested by   @linzamauve
  9. I always dance like everyone is watching because I'm a fantastic dancer and anyone who isn't watching should be
    Suggested by   @tombatten
  10. Spelling bee champion with a taste for the avant garde and craft beers..
    Suggested by   @GavMaLav
  11. Dyslexic heart
    Suggested by   @edge
  12. Tinder: Maybe if enough strangers on a dating app tell me I'm pretty my father will realize he does love me
    Suggested by   @goldengirl
  13. Tinder bio "Pros: beautiful eyes and hair smells like cinnamon. Cons: likes dubstep, can't read, I love you"
    Suggested by   @dubstep