MY WEAKNESSES

An easy-to-follow guide for @furtadomf and @dave, who have tried to set me up with a couple of limp dicks recently (I did not agree to go out with either). Also for @bobbyhundreds who is mailing me a dude for Christmas since he never followed through on mailing me 18 pounds of leftover Halloween candy. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
  1. 1.
    Nose rings
    This is how @avaught and I communicate. (I ended up unmatching this kid because he was boring as hell.) I am a fucking SUCKER for a nose ring.
  2. 2.
    Dudes in therapy
    People who engage in self-care: I want you.
  3. 3.
    Scorpios
    Shit. Shit. Shit. I LOVE 'EM, BUT THEY'RE BAD FOR ME, WHICH, CONSEQUENTLY, IS THE EXACT THE SAME FEELING I HAVE TOWARDS PIZZA.
  4. 4.
    Tattoos
    Even if it's just one. I wanna lick it.
  5. 5.
    Brunettes
    I don't date blondes.
  6. 6.
    That hairstyle where it's short on the sides and long and floppy on top
    Also, I want to date Michael Pitt.
  7. 7.
    Big lips
    See Michael Pitt obsession above
  8. 8.
    Dad bods
    I don't go for skinny skinny. I need something to hold onto.
  9. 9.
    Self-loathers
    I HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE FOR THE TWO OF US
  10. 10.
    Dudes who ignore me
    I always want what I can't have. Then I'll dump your ass.