An easy-to-follow guide for @furtadomf and @dave, who have tried to set me up with a couple of limp dicks recently (I did not agree to go out with either). Also for @bobbyhundreds who is mailing me a dude for Christmas since he never followed through on mailing me 18 pounds of leftover Halloween candy. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
- •Nose ringsThis is how @avaught and I communicate. (I ended up unmatching this kid because he was boring as hell.) I am a fucking SUCKER for a nose ring.
- •Dudes in therapyPeople who engage in self-care: I want you.
- •ScorpiosShit. Shit. Shit. I LOVE 'EM, BUT THEY'RE BAD FOR ME, WHICH, CONSEQUENTLY, IS THE EXACT THE SAME FEELING I HAVE TOWARDS PIZZA.
- •TattoosEven if it's just one. I wanna lick it.
- •BrunettesI don't date blondes.
- •That hairstyle where it's short on the sides and long and floppy on topAlso, I want to date Michael Pitt.
- •Big lipsSee Michael Pitt obsession above
- •Dad bodsI don't go for skinny skinny. I need something to hold onto.
- •Self-loathersI HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE FOR THE TWO OF US
- •Dudes who ignore meI always want what I can't have. Then I'll dump your ass.