An easy-to-follow guide for @furtadomf and @dave, who have tried to set me up with a couple of limp dicks recently (I did not agree to go out with either). Also for @bobbyhundreds who is mailing me a dude for Christmas since he never followed through on mailing me 18 pounds of leftover Halloween candy. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
- 1.Nose ringsThis is how @avaught and I communicate. (I ended up unmatching this kid because he was boring as hell.) I am a fucking SUCKER for a nose ring.
- 2.Dudes in therapyPeople who engage in self-care: I want you.
- 3.ScorpiosShit. Shit. Shit. I LOVE 'EM, BUT THEY'RE BAD FOR ME, WHICH, CONSEQUENTLY, IS THE EXACT THE SAME FEELING I HAVE TOWARDS PIZZA.
- 4.TattoosEven if it's just one. I wanna lick it.
- 5.BrunettesI don't date blondes.
- 6.That hairstyle where it's short on the sides and long and floppy on topAlso, I want to date Michael Pitt.
- 7.Big lipsSee Michael Pitt obsession above
- 8.Dad bodsI don't go for skinny skinny. I need something to hold onto.
- 9.Self-loathersI HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE FOR THE TWO OF US
- 10.Dudes who ignore meI always want what I can't have. Then I'll dump your ass.