PORN HABITS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS

A cum-ing of age story.
  1. 1999 - 2001: Drawing dirty pictures.
    11yo Dana was so charming, you guys. The ol' pencil and loose leaf was all I needed. I wish I'd kept some of these because they'd probably end up in the MoMA or something, but I always tore them up into teeny, tiny pieces afterwards.
  2. 2001 - 2004: Scrambled porn.
    I had one of those mini TVs that had a VCR built into it. 💅🏻 Despite its small stature, it weighed 900 pounds and sat on a white milk crate in the center of my bedroom. Watched a lot of fuzzy Playboy channel. But not that fuzzy--this was the early 2000s, after all. Those chicks were shaved as clean as LL Cool J's head.
  3. 2005 - 2011: Lesbian porn.
    Referring to it as "lesbian" porn is a bit reaching. Let's just call it what it is: two straight chicks fooling around in front of a camera. Come on, you guys. No lesbians I know have square-cut French tip acrylics. It's widely known that straight women enjoy this kind of porn. I liked it because 1. watching cunnilingus performed is fun and 2. straight male pornstars usually look like extras from "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo."
  4. 2011 - 2014: James Deen obsession.
    What the FUCK is it about this kid? He's like the most average-looking guy of all time and his dick ain't nothing special but he's just so darn charismatic. I don't know what it is. If James Deen showed up at my house and asked me to murder my entire family at first I'd be like WHAT and then like okayyyyyy [starts unbuttoning jeans]
  5. 2014 - Present: Male/male porn.
    I blame Tumblr, you guys. I blame Tumblr. IT'S FULL OF HOT MALE PEEN AND PRETTY FACES AND HOW COULD I NOT GET SUCKED DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE OF BEAUTIFUL MEN. HOW.