REASONS @JOHN CONTINUES TO IGNORE ME

All I want is for you to take me out to a nice steak dinner in NYC, @john. Is that so much to ask?
  1. 1.
    He'a still waiting to hear back from his email to @Nicholas about getting me kicked off The List App.
  2. 2.
    The restraining order got lost in the mail.
  3. 3.
    He's comfortable with sexual napalm, but my shit is atomic.
  4. 4.
    He's intimidated by how well I sing Katy Perry's part in "Who You Love."
    And that I know all the choreography from the video.
  5. 5.
    @john, Carlos Santana and I once had a threesome and they've both been avoiding me ever since.
    But Carlos keeps sending me snapchats.
  6. 6.
    Hates that my baby bird impression is SO much better than his.
  7. 7.
    Is only dating stable women at the moment.
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯