TEXTING WITH PEOPLE YOU WANNA FUCK

  1. These are my rules about texting:
  2. If you feel like texting, do it.
    The whole "who texts who" game is bullshit. My rebuttal for "But I don't want to look too eager!": if they like you, they won't care. My rebuttal for "But I want to look like I have better things going on and not waiting around for them": if you wait too long, you'll come across as disinterested and the other person will move on. Lastly, in a relationship, NO ONE KEEPS TABS. Y'ALL JUST TALK WHEN YOU WANT TO.
  3. Never screen your texts through your friends.
    You'll be presenting a version of yourself that isn't authentic. Also, this is fucking agonizing and exhausting.
  4. Always say what you really want to say.
    If you try to hide your crazy, they're gonna find out eventually anyway. Saying shit for the sole purpose of believing it's what the other person wants to hear NEVER has positive long-term results. Own your weirdness. Be you. You want someone to be cool with YOU, not the heavily crafted version of you.
  5. One time I told a partner I liked him and it freaked him the fuck out. And so then I stopped wasting my time on him.
  6. One time I told a partner I liked him and he was like "thank god you said something because I like you, too." And then we kept dating.
  7. If he can't text you in a timely manner, he is not the person for you.
  8. If he's interested, he'll text. Even if he's shy. It might take him one or two days, but that's IT.
    He may be spinning shit in his head about when to text you, too, but if they're pumped about you, they rarely take more than 24 hours.
  9. If he doesn't text in a timely manner, he ain't interested, boo. And it's legit nothing personal.
  10. There is nothing wrong with you.
  11. The dude just doesn't have the emotional intelligence to say, "Hey, you're great, but I don't want to pursue anything further."
  12. And you don't want to date an asshole like that.
  13. If you hold a dude to really low standards (like he only texts you once in a while when he feels like it, he doesn't make an effort to make plans), EVEN IF IT'S SUPER CASUAL AND A HOOK UP THING, he will drive you insane.
  14. If you want a one-time thing, then sure, text whenever y'all want.
  15. But if you want a little back and forth, seeing each other multiple times, dating casually, you do not want to get involved with someone who isn't enthusiastic.
  16. Because, even casually, waiting on someone to get back to you will literally drive you to your breaking point and it will make you feel anxious and sad.
  17. And make you do dumb and rash things (like apply to law school).
  18. So if you want to make plans with your person you are fucking/wanna fuck, but always feel like you're the only one setting something up, just say: "I had fun hanging out with you and would like to see you again soon. If you do, too, let me know!"
    Super non-threatening and the ball is now in their court. You're saying that you're interested without being like I LOVE YOU MARRY ME
  19. And if he's down, trust me, he will follow up.
  20. And if he's not, or says something noncommittal like "maybe" or "I'm not sure," you'll get a gut feeling that is icky. Don't ignore that feeling.
  21. Because we all know that feeling when you know someone really likes you. Unfortunately, we know this feeling the most intensely when there's a person who REALLY likes you that you don't like back. We've all been there.
  22. That feeling of "I know this person really likes me" should exist for the person you want to fuck.
  23. Because if you're unsure and ALWAYS are the one approaching your sex partner, it literally feels like you're begging them to hang out with you.
  24. When the truth is he/she should be doing fucking CARTWHEELS at the idea of hanging out with you.
  25. If someone doesn't give me that "they like me" feeling (and they don't have to bash me over the head with it, it can be subtle!) after 3-4 weeks, I'm like sayonara, kiddo.
  26. Because I don't play guessing games. I'm not a mindreader. I will go out and find someone who's very clearly into what I'm workin' with. 💁🏼