I can explain.
  1. @bobbyhundreds, @tombatten and I have a group text going and it's adorable.
  2. I renamed the conversation "Two Buttheads and a Baby" because 1) I'm an idiot when it comes to technology and JUST figured out how to do that and 2) I'm 27 and both Bobby and Tom are in their late 60s.
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    Also, because they enjoy making fun of my age.
  3. Anyway, the day Star Wars came out, I was apartment and dog-sitting for my friends @dave and @lspencer. Minding my own business.
  4. And then Bobby and Tom used our group chat as a place to jack off about Star Wars together.
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  5. They're the worst.
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  6. They wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.
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  7. Look at this shit.
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  8. I couldn't take it anymore.
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  9. There was no reason for them to blow up my phone with Star Wars shit when THEY BOTH HAVE EACH OTHER'S PHONE NUMBERS.
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  10. Pains in my ass. I swear to God.
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  11. And that's when I had to make the threat.
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  12. But it didn't work. So I had to bring out the big guns: the VERY explicit gay porn I masturbate to.
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    And those dudes DO have big guns IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 😉😉😉😉
  13. And then the two of them mercifully started a separate Star Wars text convo that didn't include me.
  14. The end. 🙏🏻