I'm a straight woman who dates straight men, hence the pronoun usage, but please note that this advice applies to everyone, regardless of gender expression or sexual orientation. ❤️
  1. There's this thing that women do that I am guilty of as well.
  2. For the longest time, I didn't want/wasn't ready for a relationship. And then, very recently, I realized I'm totally ready.
  3. And sometimes men will say, "I'm not really sure/I flat out don't know what I want."
    Which is COMPLETELY valid. Especially right off the bat with someone. Figuring out what we want takes time.
  4. OR
  5. "I'm not looking/I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I just want something casual."
  6. And what we hear is "right now" instead of "I'm not looking for a relationship."
  7. And so we say ME TOO.
  8. Which is great... if you really mean that.
  9. But if you're like ME TOO and you ARE looking for a relationship, this is what you're thinking:
  10. "Maybe if he gets to know me better, he'll want a relationship."
  11. "Maybe if he hangs out with me enough, he'll want a relationship."
  12. "Maybe if he fucks me enough times, he'll want a relationship."
  13. And you know what? Sometimes peoples' minds change. I have a few friends who have met their partners because they started off as fuck buddies and then it developed into something more. It happens.
  14. But, in my experience, 99.9% of the time, men who have the emotional intelligence to say, "Hey, I just got out of a long-term relationship and am still kinda weird about it, so I really don't want something serious right now"... they mean it.
  15. And there is literally nothing you can do to change that. Nothing.
  16. So don't lie to these guys. Please don't say "me too" if you don't really mean it. Say that you're looking for something else, wish them the best, and cut ties.
  17. But the tricky part is sometimes you say "me too" and really mean it at first and then a few months later your mind changes. And so you technically didn't lie intentionally, you just came to a realization.
    Which is what happened to me. I thought I was down for a casual thing, but then a month later I was like, "Ah, shit. I actually kinda want to commit to this person."
  18. Good for you for realizing that wants and desires can change over time. It happens and it's great that you recognize it.
  19. But if you come to that realization and the person you're dating hasn't had the same change of heart or still doesn't know what he wants after, like, 1-2 months... then you gotta leave, kid.
    I will admit this is MUCH easier said than done.
  20. Because dating someone when you want a relationship and the other person doesn't is a very specific breed of torture. It is essentially the tenth circle of Hell, wedged somewhere in between "the fitting room line at Forever 21" and "sitting next to your racist, senile great-aunt at Christmas dinner."
    And, to make things worse, Aunt Trudy just stole the rest of the sweet potato pie and you're like FUCK YOU.
  21. You get angry and sad and resentful and drive yourself crazy.
    7397e6fb dbf3 46b4 8b04 dc1d6f4b0ea9
    This is probably my favorite meme of all time.
  22. And you'll ask yourself, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????"
  23. When there's, like, absolutely nothing wrong with you.
  24. It's really not personal at ALL if the dude isn't ready or not looking for a relationship.
  25. It doesn't mean you're not awesome or fun or attractive.
    EVEN IF he immediately starts dating someone else after you. I promise.
  26. It doesn't even mean that they don't like you!
  27. All it means is that person just isn't looking for a relationship.
  28. And then you go off and look for someone who does.