1. All righty. Let's get into this.
  2. I had a reader who wrote me a very nice email asking for advice. He was having #ladyproblems and I ain't talking the bloody thing that makes me a moon woman once a month.
  3. Anyway, at the end of the email, he wrote, "it feels like she led me on."
  4. And that's when I had to put my phone down and say a prayer.
  5. I lit my Rihanna prayer candle and prayed for strength.
  6. Because that phrase in our lexicon needs to go.
  7. The thing about being led on is it has more to do with you than the other person. Most of the time it's YOU leading YOURSELF on.
  8. It's YOU assuming that the other person has the same feelings, wants, and desires as you do... and then you realize that they don't.
  9. And THAT is what sucks.
  10. I've dated people who I thought I'd end up in a relationship with. And when it didn't work out, NEVER have I thought "he led me on."
  11. You know what I have thought though? "Ah shit, he changed his mind."
  12. Because that's what happened. If they've flirted, slept with you or dated you and no longer want to do that, they've changed their mind.
  13. And they are allowed to do that just as much as you are.
  14. And you know what sucks even more? Being the person who has changed their mind.
  15. Because I have been there and it feels HORRIBLE.
  16. I agreed to be exclusive with someone around this time last year, actually. I was his girlfriend for TWO WEEKS.
  17. Because at first I thought he was what I wanted and it turns out he wasn't. And I had to say, "I'm so sorry, but I thought I wanted a relationship with you and it turns out I don't."
  18. And homeboy was SO bummed.
  19. But I knew that if I kept it going, the pain of me breaking up with him after 2 weeks of exclusivity would be far less than after 2 months or 2 years.
  20. And sometimes people aren't able to say the things necessary to call something off, to be direct.
  21. So they do things like ghost or keep talking to you even though they have no intention of dating you.
  22. Sometimes they're unable to be direct because they don't know how. (As women, we are taught that being direct means you're a bitch.)
  23. Sometimes, it's because they're scared. And straight men RARELY know this feeling, but sometimes we're scared to break up with men because we're not sure how you're going to take it.
  24. You might yell and scream at us. Or break into our social media accounts. Or talk poorly about us to others. Or physically hurt us.
    Please note that ALL of these things have happened not just to me, but 99% of people who date men.
  25. Because, more often than not, you're going to be sad and angry. And we don't know what you're going to do with those feelings.
  26. Also, even if someone knows that you're a really nice, sane person, THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. And so, sometimes, people think "being nice" is to keep talking to you instead of pulling the bandaid off and saying "I don't want to be with you." And that is wrong and it sucks. Every gender does this, btw, and it only goes away with maturity.
  27. So saying what needs to be said is really fucking scary for many reasons. Especially if the person has to see you everyday (like at school, work, within your group of friends).
  28. Lastly, there is the 2% of people who will keep you in the mix even though they have no intention of dating you because they enjoy the attention (from the same sex or opposite sex--whatever floats their boat).
  29. This is one of the fun side effects of low self-esteem. Disassociate from these people.
  30. These are the same people who say "they don't want drama," but they fucking LIVE FOR IT because it makes them feel important.
  31. Just avoid these people.
  32. But 98% of the time, the person who "led you on" just changed their mind. And it's so easy to blame them for it and be hurt and think mean thoughts about them.
  33. But that's a waste of mental energy. So what you do instead is go out and find someone who thinks you're the tits.
  34. Bye. ✌🏻️