THINGS NICK SAID IN BED TONIGHT

Have you ever felt such a deep, heartfelt connection with someone that you compose pure poetry on the spot?
  1. 1.
    "I'm a disgusting mess."
    He's a sweaty little monkey. 🐒
  2. 2.
    "Nice job shaving your genitals this time."
    The last time he saw me I had just rushed over from my place to his and didn't take my time shaving my puss. Razor Burn City: population Dana.
  3. 3.
    [whispers] "There's a popcorn kernel."
    It was stuck to my back. One of the problems of eating a giant bag of kettle corn post-sex.
  4. 4.
    "There's some more popcorn in your hair."
    Goddammit.
  5. 5.
    "Having sex with you is the closest I am to having a gym membership."
  6. 6.
    "PEACHES AND CREAM BY 112!"
    We're making a list of the most awkward songs to have on in the background during sex and he suddenly thought of that one. (Then we're gonna see which ones we can actually fuck to while keeping a straight face. Pray for us. 🙏🏻)