THINGS YOU COULD BE DOING INSTEAD OF HATING YOUR BODY
Practical advice. I hope you guys are taking notes.
- •Eating a 4-pound pot roast singlehandedly and Instagramming your progress as you do it
- •Having your pussy licked or your dick sucked by an emphatically willing participant
- •Teaming up with Nicholas Cage to steal the Declaration of Independence
- •Getting measured for a custom inflatable sumo wrestling suit
- •Looking at your calendar and figuring out how many days there are until Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
- •Buying a fancy new handbag
- •Rearranging all the signage at your local Ikea to confuse peopleAnd then getting some meatballs because, hey, you're already there.
- •LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE