Dear @bjnovak, @Nicholas and @jeremysomething, you have created monsters.
  1. Everyone thinks @tombatten and I were friends before List App. We were not. I never said two words to this kid until this past September.
  2. But then once we started talking, we became very good friends very quickly, the way only two deeply disturbed individuals can.
  3. He is one of my best buds.
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    Our self-titled whiny indie rock album, "Xanax and Tums," hits shelves next week. (Tom is Xanax, I am Tums.)
  4. Then, one day at work last month, I saw a book I thought Tom would like. (I work at a publishing company.) And then I was like, "If I'm gonna mail you a book in the middle of December, why don't we exchange Christmas gifts, too?"
  5. And Tom was like, "Yeah, I was thinking about getting you something anyway."
    Because he is a very nice person and it's disgusting.
  6. Afterwards, I was like oh fuck, I've never bought a gift for a straight guy before besides my father. And so I enlisted @bobbyhundreds' help.
  7. He suggested getting him a notebook, which was a great idea because I stole one of Tom's notebooks when I was visiting him in Virginia. But then I thought of an even better idea: I'd personalize it with my name in all caps REALLY obnoxiously.
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  8. And so when Tom opened his gift on Christmas, this is what he got:
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  9. And then it came time for me to open my gift from Tom. Now, please bear in mind that we hadn't given any clues to each other regarding what we were gifting.
  10. So when I opened THIS, I legit couldn't stop laughing.
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    Yep, that is a T-SHIRT WITH TOM BATTEN'S FACE ON IT.
  11. I flipped out.
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  12. Leave it to us to buy each other the most obnoxious, egomaniacal gifts EVER. I love it.
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