THIS WEIRD THING I DO

  1. Have you ever gotten the hiccups
  2. And for a moment think
  3. Of all the people on the news
  4. who get the hiccups for like 17 years or some other fucked up long ass amount of time
  5. And you're just like please god
  6. Please don't let that happen to me
  7. I'll stop fucking that married guy I swear
  8. I'll be a better person god
  9. Just don't let this case of hiccups spiral outta control
  10. And then you think if you could still make it work with the married guy if you did come down with a case of multi-decade hiccups
  11. Like, "could I orgasm while experiencing the hiccups?"
  12. You think to yourself
  13. And then you realized that there's no way it's physically impossible
  14. To hiccup and orgasm at the same time
  15. I mean, how could it be
  16. So, fuck it, having hiccups for twenty years wouldn't be the end of the world, really.
  17. You could still fuck that married guy
  18. And probably get out of any and all jury duty
  19. Because who the fuck wants to listen to that for nine weeks
  20. If you couldn't already tell, I wrote this list on Ambien.
  21. goodnight