Another one that's been sitting in my Drafts folder for a while. [shudders]
  1. The one that turned out to have a girlfriend.
  2. The one that turned out to have a girlfriend who @tombatten said looked like I met him at a Smash Mouth concert.
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    Good one, Tom.
  3. The one that was waaaaaay too full of himself for someone with such a thin dick.
    Fucking Tauruses, man.
  4. The one that said he wanted to marry me on date #4.
    SOMEONE'S Russian immigrant parents were certainly putting on the pressure for grandchildren.
  5. The one who was a "recovering sex addict" minus the "recovering" part.
    He also had the worst Californian accent I have ever heard. Listening to him speak was like being attached to a morphine drip.
  6. The one that was so dorkishly white he made me look like Malcolm X in comparison.
    You can find the story of how that ended here: MY BEST TINDER STORY (AKA HOW I TRICK-OR-TREATED SOME POOR BASTARD)
  7. The one who was so horrible I blocked him from my memory like what happens after you look at that red light pen thing from "Men In Black."
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    His name was David. That's all I'm willing to remember.
  8. The one that had both the coolest job ever AND a major drug and alcohol problem.
    He was actually a pretty okay person except for the fact that it took him, on average, 8 HOURS TO TEXT ME BACK cuz, yanno, drugs.