WORST PEOPLE I HAVE DATED IN THE PAST

Another one that's been sitting in my Drafts folder for a while. [shudders]
  1. The one that turned out to have a girlfriend.
  2. The one that turned out to have a girlfriend who @tombatten said looked like I met him at a Smash Mouth concert.
    Good one, Tom.
  3. The one that was waaaaaay too full of himself for someone with such a thin dick.
    Fucking Tauruses, man.
  4. The one that said he wanted to marry me on date #4.
    SOMEONE'S Russian immigrant parents were certainly putting on the pressure for grandchildren.
  5. The one who was a "recovering sex addict" minus the "recovering" part.
    He also had the worst Californian accent I have ever heard. Listening to him speak was like being attached to a morphine drip.
  6. The one that was so dorkishly white he made me look like Malcolm X in comparison.
    You can find the story of how that ended here: MY BEST TINDER STORY (AKA HOW I TRICK-OR-TREATED SOME POOR BASTARD)
  7. The one who was so horrible I blocked him from my memory like what happens after you look at that red light pen thing from "Men In Black."
    His name was David. That's all I'm willing to remember.
  8. The one that had both the coolest job ever AND a major drug and alcohol problem.
    He was actually a pretty okay person except for the fact that it took him, on average, 8 HOURS TO TEXT ME BACK cuz, yanno, drugs.