*farting noise*
  1. My fuck buddy who "dumped" me in the douchiest way possible. Like, really, dude? You're going to be exclusive with someone else (not a problem at all) and instead of cutting ties and being like SEE YA say you'll circle back around to me when it's convenient for you? What an entitled asshole.
    I blocked this ding dong's number. But, yes, thank you; I know I'm amazing at fucking. Can I put that on my resume?
  2. Hitler
  3. That Kony guy (remember him?)
  4. People who tip competent waitstaff less than 20%.
  5. Dat's it.