WORST PLACES TO HAVE SEX (PLEASE TRUST ME ON THESE)

Talking from personal experience
  1. On top of a casket as it's slowly being lowered into the ground
    The dry cleaning bill afterwards was insane.
  2. John Green book signing
    I know, "Looking for Alaska" gets me worked up, too, but it's not worth the lifetime ban from Barnes & Noble, y'all. Their bathrooms are fantastic.
  3. The Anne Frank house
    The staff was NOT having it that day.
  4. Top of the ferris wheel at an abandoned carnival
    I know. You want to have your own "Reese Witherspoon getting fingerbanged by Marky Mark on a rollercoaster in the movie 'Fear'" moment, but you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
  5. People With AIDS Plaza
    THIS IS A REAL STREET IN LOWER MANHATTAN. The traffic is terrible. They really should do something about it.
  6. On a bed of fiberglass insulation.
    I know this one's hard because the Pink Panther is just so darn cute, but please try to restrain yourself.
  7. The Beach
    The movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Tilda Swinton put my BJ skills to shame so hard it was downright embarrassing.