WHAT I REALLY WANTED FOR MY BIRTHDAY...

As much as I appreciate the sentiment in that text my ex-ex sent asking if I wanted birthday sex, three days after my birthday. It's not exactly what I had in mind...
  1. 1.
    Keith Morrison from Dateline to narrate my life for a week
  2. 2.
    My dad to reenact the "it's not your fault" scene from Goodwill Hunting with me
  3. 3.
    To perform a simple impromptu dance in front of everyone
  4. 4.
    Victoria Beckham to hand pick and purchase and entire wardrobe for me
  5. 5.
    Hugh Laurie's opinion on everything.
  6. 6.
    A trip to Léon, Spain with Paul Scheer acting as my tour guide.
  7. 7.
    This guy that currently resides in Delaware, to marry me.