How to Treat Every Week Like Shark Week

  1. Day 1: Watch pre-recorded footage of last year's Shark Week.
  2. Day 2: Look up YouTube videos of sharks being sharks. Let your Elasmobranchii impulses swim free!
  3. Day 3: Go to the aquatic section of your local PetCo. Press your face against the glass, slowly follow a fish with your head, and munch much like Pacman eating coins.
  4. Day 4: Back to YouTube for more videos.
  5. Day 5: Go to the beach alone (at this point, you should start feeling more like a shark). Scan the beach for your prey and silently stalk them until they head into the water. Once they're in, swim in after them. Get under their bodies and start pulling on their ankles. Quickly get out, once you realize they are not a seal.
  6. Day 6: Go your local blood draw. Don't actually get your blood drawn, instead, sit down and smell the room. Think of the Jaws theme song as you walk around pulling on ankles.
  7. Day 7: By now you are most definitely a shark. Congratulate yourself with a swim and let your gills glisten in the sun. Watch out for hunters, fin soup is a popular dish!
  8. Note: this list is mostly on how to become a shark