If the 2016 Presidential Candidates Were Pokemon
- •TrumpikarpTrumpikarp is a medium-sized fish Pokémon with a large, heavy reddish-orange face. It has small, vacant eyes and pink lips. It attacks with racial slurs and flopping around to get attention. Though it is the weakest Pokemon it has the biggest mouth.
- •CarsaxCarsax is a huge, bipedal, Pokemon with a sleepy face, large belly, and small feet. Its body is composed of mostly its belly, where most of its fat reserves accumulate. It's attacks are a choice, because everyone chooses whether or not they are attackers. It reads the constitution every night until it falls asleep.
- •BushiottoBushiotto is a raptor-like avian Pokémon. It is covered with daddy's feathers, and has a cream-colored face and underside. It has a crest of Bush-ey feathers on its head and black, angular markings behind its eyes. Bushiotto attacks with Twitter and other millennial tools it's interns show him.
- •ClintoiseClintoise is a large, bipedal tortoise-like Pokémon. Its body is dark blue and is mostly hidden by its tough, brown shell. She is the only obvious female. She never attacks, but instead lectures about educational reform.
- •ChristizardChristizard is a draconic, bipedal Pokémon. It is primarily orange with a cream underside from the chest to the tip of its tail, which burns with a sizable flame. Christizard has a short stubby neck, small blue eyes, raised nostrils, and two blunt horns protruding from the back of its rectangular head. It attacks with fire breath and anger.