Things I Tried to Get Into for Women I've Dated

  1. Ghosts
    I wanted to believe in ghosts for her. I spent an entire college party trying to convince myself I believed because a girl who looked a little like Andie McDowell (kind of, if you squinted) spent two hours telling me about all the times she saw them. Later that week we would kiss in an elevator after the lights mysteriously went out, which very well could have been a spirit looking out for me, as if to wordlessly say, "how about now, idiot?"
  2. The "His Dark Materials" books
    I dated a very cool person who was into The Golden Compass and was really excited that the movie adaptation was about to come out. I started reading her copy and actually managed to get pretty into it, devouring the book as fast as I could. I finished it in my car as I was waiting in her driveway for her to come out so we could go see it on opening night. The movie was so awful and tone-deaf I never went back to read the other books.
  3. Hellraiser
    I spent a year trying to convince a really weird, hilarious, cute girl to date me seriously, but she had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and was only up for something extremely casual. This amounted to lots of meals at the cool but kind of douchey bar/restaurant/brunch place next to her apartment, and you know, other stuff. Her favorite movie was Hellraiser. I thought it was confusing and really disgusting. One thing we both agreed on though: "Jesus wept" is really fun to say.
  4. Lucid Dreaming
    There's a Built To Spill lyric that goes like this: "no one cares what you dreamt about unless you dreamt about them." Sometimes she would dream about me, but most mornings I would wake up and be regaled with incredibly long and intricate stories that made absolutely no sense outside of her own subconscious. Often she'd go back to sleep to re-enter those dreams. It was like dating David Lynch if he had a real cool butt and a crystal collection.
  5. Open Relationships
    One word of advice on this: If you're in it for threesomes... enjoy them while they last, because the other stuff was considerably less fun.* (*biased opinion based on this one situation and not polyamory or the poly community in general. It works for a lot of couples, just not her and I blablabla sex positive blablabla Dan Savage blablabla Sex At Dawn blablabla ethical slut blablabla errybody horny)