Things That Always Happen at Parties

These are universal things that happen at every party.
  1. Mark gets too drunk.
    Mark never knows his limits and he refuses to drink beer ("it tastes like if soda decided to suck for no reason." Okay, Mark. Whatever.) so he always slams vodka and overdoes it. Then he DEMANDS to be taken to a drive through and you find curly fries mushed into your upholstery for weeks after.
  2. Ally shows up with some dude that's like "Ally, seriously, where did you meet this dude?"
    Ally's got a lot of "friends" I guess, and more power to her, but does she always have to invite them to parties? Whether it's a full blown rager or an intimate wine and cheese, she's always dragging around some rando and then we have to like pretend we care that he's featured in a night of one act plays in Glendale or something.
  3. Jacob rants about Palestine.
    Oh my god Jacob we know you have a Poli-sci degree. WE GET IT.
  4. Dana and Ryan have one of their fights.
    It never fails. Dana and tequila don't mix and Ryan's a hot head drunk OR sober, so there's always drama with these two. No party is complete without Dana angrily announcing "I'm leaving" at like 10:30 and Ryan scrambling to catch up and make sure she doesn't get hit by a car trying to hitchhike back to their bungalow.
  5. Clifton breaks out the mandolin.
    Ever the wandering troubadour, Clifton is always there, case in hand, ready to take over a room with his original reworking of contemporary pop hits strummed on the mando. Sometimes Becky sings along too but damn is that girl pitchy! Ugh I'm such a bitch.
  6. Richard and Pete debate who is "King of Blowjob Mountain."
    Honestly, I have no idea where this originated or even what it means. It's a weird inside joke maybe? They stated arguing about it at Devin's bonfire and I swear they'll never stop. I think it's a video game thing? IDK but it's always pretty funny.
  7. Curt hurts his teeth on some corn.
    He's got the most sensitive teeth I've ever encountered but he just can't get enough damn corn!
  8. A sacrifice to the elders is made.
    Bummer that like EVERY party has to end this way, but at least I haven't been picked yet! lol