1. I was murdered
  2. I rescued a kitten and it bit off my fingers while I was sleeping
  3. I'm in witness protection and they told me not to go on social media
  4. I swallowed my phone on a dare
  5. I was never on List App, you were dreaming
    Wake up!
  6. I'm in jail for being a heartbreaker
  7. I'm in a coma from falling off a bridge while planking
  8. Got confused by the name change and was accidentally posting all my lists on Wunderlist
  9. I evaporated and floated up into the clouds
  10. My nemesis tied a bunch balloons to my arm and I floated up into the clouds
  11. I've been frozen in a block of carbonite
  12. I've been frozen in a block of cheese
  13. I'm a basset hound and we don't have thumbs
  14. I was just a funny character @tombatten and @Waz came up with and they got bored of me