of the party stories
  1. "I know at any moment his moms were gonna come up and find me bleeding"
  2. "And I have like a massive fear of throw-up..."
  3. "So I'm rolling on the floor of the supply closet screaming because I just gave myself a concussion on the wheel of a unicycle"
    "I had a bump on my head for months so everyone called me the sex unicorn."
  4. "He's not insane like his brother but... little frowny face for being a little bitch"
  5. "She got stabbed 12 times. He pretended he was a maintenance man"
  6. "Invite him except he's not real."
  7. "This always happens. She's faked appendicitis 3 times. Go on"
  8. "My thumb is wrecked. But did you see that avocado"
  9. "He gets no date. You flaked on me because of a desk? No"
  10. "What about the time you swallowed a plum seed?"