1. Must be fed at the same times every day or becomes whiny
  2. Loves you unconditionally
  3. Likes to say things and we pretend to understand
  4. "Who's a good wittle baby"
  5. Sleeps all the time...except when you want to sleep
  6. Has no idea where the ball went when you pump fake a throw
  7. Walks around on all fours and is a tripping hazard for everyone
  8. Has chew toys
  9. Requires a lot of "cleaning up after"
  10. Thinks splashing is 90% of "bath time"
  11. Pukes on you
  12. Requires poop maintenance
  13. You love them despite all the above